"Parent Training"

Child training: very few of the many responsibilities we have as parents are as important as this one. Done correctly, it teaches our children self control and prepares them to responsibly follow God when they move out of our homes to start families of their own. We're all familiar with Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." A few other words come to mind when I think of everything involved in this crucial element of child rearing: consistency, justice, husband-wife teamwork, reproof, the Rod of Correction, parent training.

As I work with Little Tait and Miles constantly throughout the day - "drilling" them, praising good behavior and punishing and correcting bad behavior - I've come to realize that, while I'm training them to act correctly and obediently, I'm also training myself.

To be positively effective, child training must be done self-consciously. But even the parent who gives no thought to child training is, just the same, training her child. She is either teaching him that there are no consequences for his actions, that bad behavior is acceptable, that there is no standard whereby he must live his life; or she is teaching him that actions have consequences, that what he does is important, and that there is a higher standard than his little whims and desires. As Proverbs says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15).

Child training should be a way of life. Consistency is extremely important, especially for very young children, but oh so hard to achieve! Little Tait (nearly 2) needs to know, at this point in his life, that taking toys from Miles (12 months) always yields bad results. Yes, there will be times when I'm not there to correct him, but I should be consistent enough that he can pretty much count on undesirable consequences. If I stand by and watch him steal Miles' toy without dealing with it, Little Tait learns that it is sometimes okay to take Miles' toy, and once he gets to a certain age, will begin to weigh the chance of bad consequences against the joy of getting what he wants (which is always, of course, exactly what the other child has).

Miles needs to know that every time he gets in the kitchen cupboard that is not his cupboard, there will be consequences. Usually, these "consequences" consist of a slap on the hand and relocation over to his cupboard. Recently, I've let this one slide some, and Miles has been much more interested in the kitchen cupboards with glass jars and plates than in his cupboard with non-breakable baby dishes. Little Tait knows exactly what's going on, and tries to help Miles avoid the bad consequences. As soon as Miles heads for the kitchen cabinets, Little Tait is there, opening the baby cupboard and directing Miles to it.

It's hard for me to repeatedly break away - both mentally and physically - from the dinner I'm stirring on the stove, or the sink I'm scrubbing, or the real estate work I'm doing for Tait, to correct babies throughout the day. But I constantly remind myself that the results of consistency far outweigh the luxury of working on projects uninterrupted! I would much rather disrupt my work periodically for little episodes of child training now and enjoy well-behaved, obedient children later on, than thoughtlessly avoid the trouble of child training now, only to have to deal with wildly out-of-control children down the road. Then, it would be nearly impossible to get the housework done!

I've realized that I have to train myself before I can hope to make real headway with the boys. I have to "train" myself to drop whatever I'm doing to deal with disobedience. I have to "train" myself to make child training a natural way of life. Basically, it boils down to creating for myself good habits of consistency, self discipline, and unending patience.

Little Tait and Miles are by no means perfect, and I'm reminded daily that they are each a work in progress. Each child is born with a sin nature, and it is our job as parents to teach them, through Christ, to fight that sin nature and become more conformed to the image of Christ each day.


A few of our favorite resources on child training:

To Train up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries

Unfortunately, we're not able to recommend most of their other materials. However, we do recommend To Train up a Child very highly! It is one of the most practical books on child training we've ever seen. This was one of the books that we studied through together over the phone during our courtship.

Raising Godly Tomatoes (a book and website by L. Elizabeth Krueger)

Although I haven't actually read the book, the information on the website has been extremely helpful and wonderfully practical!

What are some resources that have been helpful for you in the area of child training?